“It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us the most.” Marianne Williamson.
Lisa was stumped in the midst of our client group call. Should she quit the job she had been doing for years now or pursue what she knew she was put on this earth to do - which was to make a difference for people in trauma?
Being somewhat wise enough, I let the others in the group coach her.
“What if you had to make up your mind to leave your job within the next week, what would you do?” someone asked.
“I would quit.” Lisa said it without any pause.
“I would do what I love to do.” She continued and someone else in the group remarked on how all of a sudden, she seemed to be sitting up more straight and the natural radiance of her face showed more brightly.
Everyone was present to birth - transformation - the genesis of something new - something fresh - a reacquaintance with the vital energy which is at the center of all of us.
Why are we so afraid of showing that light?
1. The FEAR of the UNKNOWN:
That light represents moving towards that of which we do not know. What do you do when you confront that which we do not know that we do not know? How do you operate in such a new world of our own decisiveness and creation?
The rules may have to be rewritten it seems. It seems like that would be a strange land - much like landing on Mars on a bad day? What does it mean to have a bad day on Mars .. or for that matter a good day? Do days even exist on Mars?
Caught without a rudder and a raft, how would you survive or thrive?
The answer is that you learn how to manage this fear and turn the unknown into what you know. In other words, you create new vision and mission statements, you create new structures and systems and you create new ways of being accountable to your vision and mission.
This can be done. To ignore this fact is terribly sad.
2. The subconscious fear of attracting dark forces
When our light shines brightly, we tend to attract people who feel like they need to feed on your light - for they do not feel that they can feed on their own light OR they do not know how to do that.
We know this subconsciously.
This is scary - and those of you who have felt this know what I am talking about.
I have coached many celebrities, especially in my earlier years living in Southern California. The celebrity light attracts the crazed fans, the money grabbers, the media paparazzi, sexual predators (men and women!), selfish bankers and investors, twisted directors and producers and general evil pranksters and psychopaths. I spent countless hours coaching men and women through this phase of their lives - on the one hand managing the dream-like nature of their new life and on the other hand, managing the craziness.
My own brief encounter with fame and dating celebrities exposed me to that darkness.
It is scary and we know that the light attracts the dark.
But this is manageable. This darkness - these dark people - can be managed so that you remain expressing your light and stay healthy.
Not being willing to manage this would be sad.
3. If following my light works out for me, what does that mean to everything that I believe in now?
I coached a grandmother who lifted a huge rock to save her 4 year old grandson who had fallen under the rock during a mudslide while hiking with the family out in the wilderness.
She went into a depression after that incident. Her husband, who was my client, referred her to me. She came to me shocked that she was able to do that for her grandson. But she was deeply troubled by her accomplishment at the same time. “All my life, I thought I was just a weak, ordinary girl - barely able to do math and always dependent on my husband and the other ‘stronger’ men and women in my family to get things done.” She paused, looking at me in tears.
“It was so easy then.. And I guess I just fell into the habit of being powerless… weak. And I guess that way of being had advantages of ease… comfort.. and not having to work too hard or be too bothered about things. But now .. now that I have done this… I can’t go back to that dishonesty. But it seems scary.. That the whole old world that I knew - all those beliefs.. All those rules that were easy to follow… all those beliefs and rules are no longer relevant to me.
So what do I do now?”
I could not help but feel for her and she reached out to hold my hand.
“Firstly, Welcome to the world of human beings.” I said looking right into her eyes.
“Secondly, to answer your question, I do not know what you should do now. But I know that this time, we can figure out how you can manage this - and it will be new. But that is the good news.. There are no rules that we know of. But we can learn them or invent them. And the truth is there are still rules that you will hold onto - like the rule that you would do anything possible to save the life of your grandchildren. And your family and your grandchildren are already benefiting from you going bravely into this world right?”
She nodded almost weakly but with an unmistakable light in her eyes.
“This can be done.” I said. “And to turn your back on this new world would be sad - right?”
She nodded and I felt the strength come back in her fingers as she grasped my hand back.
In 1 hour, we created a new mission statement for her life - a new set of systems and structures to take her to her new goals and a system of accountability that worked to empower her, instead of telling her what to do.
I saw this woman turn from looking weak and frail into a beautiful, powerful doyen of her family.
What could happen if you conquered all these fears and moved toward your light?
I love the distinction of integrity; Integrity defined as the state of being whole and complete - not necessarily only the integrity of being righteous or morally upright.
Integrity being the state of being whole and complete - where anything that is missing is put back in and there is a restoration of what makes one’s life whole and complete.
For example, if what is missing in your life is joy - then looking to see what needs to be shifted to have joy restored.
For example, if what is missing in your life is well-being, then looking to see what needs to be shifted to have well-being restored.
Completing these fears and moving towards your light is one of the most powerful ways of restoring integrity to your life.
Putting back what is missing is like mending a broken spoke on a bicycle. That fix restores the integrity of that wheel and your bicycle. That restoration makes your bicycle perform better and become more of a joy to ride.
Imagine what your life would be like if you resolved these fears and you allowed your light to show more?
Where would you perform better?
Where would more joy come to you from?
Would you relate to people more effectively?
Would you find a more fuller and fulfilling life and success?
Would you have more well-being?
Would you restore a sense of adventure .. of daring … of growing organically as a beautiful human being?
Would you turn back the clock on your aging?
Would you find less cynicism and more natural growth as a human being?
Would you dare to dream or would you crawl back into the shade?
I invite you to dream and to make that dream come true.
If not for you, for all of us.
Since 1991, I’ve been reflecting on, designing, and implementing methodologies and systems for bringing a transcendent, creative and innovative approach to critical aspects of entrepreneurship.