How to 'unconceal' this and live with freedom and power
There is a pattern operating in your life right now. It’s invisible. It’s been running for years—maybe decades. And until you see it, you can’t escape it.
I call it X/Y Technology—an original distinction I developed over more than 30 years of transformation work, deeply informed by my study of Heidegger and his approach to thinking.
And once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
The Structure of the Pattern
Here’s how it works:
X is what you’re avoiding.
Y is the seemingly honorable intention that justifies the avoidance.
The avoidance of X is the mechanism. Y is the payoff.
You avoid X to seemingly honorably fulfill Y. But here’s what makes this pattern so insidious: the avoidance of X is precisely what blocks what you actually want.
You’re not failing despite your efforts. You’re failing because of them—because the effort is directed at avoiding X, not creating what matters.
A Living Example
A leader wants to be respected. That’s reasonable. Honorable, even.
She is avoiding the risk of being seen as incompetent (X) with a seemingly honorable intention of fulfilling on being thorough, professional, and maintaining high standards (Y).
Watch what happens:
She over-prepares for every meeting. She never asks the “dumb” questions. She stays late to appear dedicated. She never admits when she doesn’t know something.
On the surface, this looks like conscientiousness.
But here’s the twist: these avoidance behaviors are exactly what make her appear anxious, out of touch, unable to collaborate, and—ultimately—less competent.
The very thing she’s avoiding becomes what she creates.
This isn’t irony. This is structure. This is how the pattern works—every single time.
The Energetic Cost
X/Y patterns don’t just limit your results. They drain your energy.
Consider: you cannot create abundance from the energy of scarcity. You cannot build trust from the energy of suspicion. You cannot generate confidence from the energy of fear.
The energy signature you’re operating from prevents what you’re trying to achieve.
When you’re caught in an X/Y pattern, you’re spending massive amounts of energy on avoidance. That energy was supposed to go toward creation. Toward presence. Toward the actual work of living fully.
Instead, it gets consumed by the machinery of not-looking-at-something.
The Deepest X/Y
The most profound version of this pattern operates at the level of identity itself.
You are avoiding the possibility that your fundamental approach to life might be wrong (X) with a seemingly honorable intention of fulfilling on maintaining stability, protecting your worldview, and staying coherent (Y).
This is the ultimate pattern: By clinging to familiar self-concepts and ways of being, you avoid confronting the possibility that your entire framework for understanding yourself and reality might need to change.
And in avoiding that confrontation, you stay trapped.
The Soap Opera Zeitgeist
When you’re caught in an X/Y, you’re caught in what I call a soap opera zeitgeist—a mood and environment that results from being stuck in the pattern.
There’s always drama. There’s always something that “just happened.” There’s always a reason why now isn’t the right time.
What keeps you in this zeitgeist is the gravitational pull of your past.
The gravitational field of the past is the invisible force that keeps you orbiting around familiar patterns, identities, and ways of operating—even when you’ve outgrown them.
Like a planet trapped in orbit around a dying star, you continue circling old versions of yourself long after they’ve stopped serving your growth.
How the gravitational field operates:
Identity Gravity: “I am a micromanaging leader” becomes an identity that exerts pull, making it difficult to envision yourself as someone who trusts.
Competency Gravity: You’ve invested years mastering certain skills. It’s easier to do what you’re already good at than to develop new capabilities.
Success Pattern Gravity: “This worked before” becomes a powerful force that keeps you repeating strategies even when circumstances have changed.
Safety Gravity: Known territories feel safer than unknown ones. Even when “known” means “stuck.”
Breaking Free
The first step isn’t to fix the pattern. The first step is to see it.
Ask yourself:
Where am I working really hard but getting the opposite of what I want?
Then look for the structure:
- What am I avoiding? (This is X.)
- What seemingly honorable intention am I fulfilling by avoiding it? (This is Y.)
- How is the avoidance creating the very thing I fear?
Name it precisely: I am avoiding _______ (X) with a seemingly honorable intention of fulfilling on _______ (Y).
This isn’t about blame. It isn’t about what’s wrong with you. It’s about unconcealing a structure that’s been running outside your awareness.
Once you see it, you can choose differently.
Not by trying harder at the same approach. Not by finding a better strategy for avoidance. But by turning toward X—toward the thing you’ve been unwilling to confront—and discovering that it doesn’t destroy you.
In fact, it’s the doorway.
The Inquiry
I’ll leave you with four questions. Sit with them. Don’t rush to answer.
- Where in your life are you working hardest but feeling most stuck?
- What would you have to confront if you stopped the avoidance?
- What seemingly honorable intention have you been fulfilling that justifies the avoidance?
- What becomes possible if you stop protecting yourself from the thing you’ve been avoiding?
X/Y Technology is one of over 500 original distinctions I’ve developed over 30+ years of transformation work. If this landed for you—if you recognized something—I invite you to stay. More is coming.
I work with leaders and organizations through Joyful Workflows (the art and science of organization, productivity, delegation, accountability, and performance), Joyful Transformational Leadership (leading with power and grace), and Joyful Sales (getting clients with compelling, fitting messaging, language, and distraction-free presence). If something here sparked recognition, message me or reply to this email. I read everything.
Since 1991, I’ve been reflecting on, designing, and implementing methodologies and systems for bringing a transcendent, creative and innovative approach to critical aspects of entrepreneurship.
